Piece of Shit Hipsters
I don’t know how much of a problem this is in other parts of the country. I know the UK has it’s problems, LA of course. In NYC we have a serious fucking hipster epidemic. I am constantly trying to find out more about this species so I spend many nights exploring from a far and taking notes like a national geographic special.
There is something about places like New York City, Los Angeles and London that attracts suburban mall workers and farmers children and leads them to believe that as unhappy or as unpopular as they were back in Omaha, they can start a new life with a new identity in the big city’s incestuous hipster scene. To the same 400 people that are at the same bar with them every friday night, these people are the most popular, coolest most cutting edge people in the world. To the other 6 billion people in the world, they don’t exist. You can go to one of these places and feel like you’re surrounded by celebrities because the whole idea is to look and act like one, even if you work at the 99cent store during the day, if you can strike a pose when the camera comes out and dress like Vincent Gallo, you can be popular. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I’m cool or popular. And most of the people I know who are cool and popular and even famous, don’t think of themselves that way. You do what you do because that’s who you are. Whether you’re a famous musician, a non famous musician, you are a student, you work at starbucks, you work at wallmart etc.. There is nothing wrong with working at Burger King in Tulsa but there is something wrong with moving to Brooklyn and pretending you never worked at Burger King in Tulsa and that you’ve just been on the club scene since birth. Truth is you listened to NSYNC when you were a kid, you moved on to Eminem because everyone in school did, then the Used, then Something Corporate and now you pretend that Tegan and Sara really speaks to you. Like you can relate.
Since they consider having their picture taken at a party or hitting play on an ipod success and celebrity, and they’re out way too late and too often to have any sort of a decent job, I’m always trying to figure out how they’re affording to live in Brooklyn or Manhattan. The trick is, get a loft layout (no walls), build your own walls and you can fit like 8 people into a 1000 sq ft room. That way, no one will ever have to work too hard and will have extra money to spend on over priced thrift store dresses, flannel shirts, gin, cocaine and lattes (if anyone is looking). And working at Urban Outfitters doesn’t mean you can tell people you’re “in the fashion industry”. I used to work at a pizza shop and eat a lot of pizza, that doesn’t make me a chef.
I’m a fucking nerd. i was a nerd in school and I’m still a nerd now and that’s fine with me. I listen to Abba and Gorilla Biscuits equally and I always will. Why is it that people can’t be satisfied with who they are and feel the need to change their identity every few years?
Now don’t get me started on fucking myspace “celebrities”. This is the lowest of the low.
Attention: high big belt wearing, high waisted short wearing, bra strap headband wearing, american apparel gold tight wearing, over sized sun glass wearing friends. We’re only adding to the problem. We can’t let these people think they are starting trends and letting them think that they’re as awesome as they think they are. If we let them continue to party and have drunk late night sex with strangers, they’re going to spread like locusts. Let’s not let an epidemic turn into a plague.
SEE ALSO- www.lastnightsparty.com, www.misshapes.com, Admit It by Say Anything
